Start of something new

Well! I mean this quite literally in the most High School Musical-sense possible. I would like to kick off this blog with my dream from last night. Ever since I had surgery those drugs messed up my dreams (and probably more) and they continuously get more and more bizarre. So, last night I had a dream that I bit off Catherine Turano's right thumb and pointer finger because she was trying to poke my face. To make matters worse, it took of the skin-thumb part and not the bone, so her bone was just chillin. BUT, don't worry, Catherine grabbed her recently detached finger-parts and just put them back on. So everyone's okay guys :)

Man. Coming back to college is such a relief, it is nice being surrounded by so much love and happiness as opposed to this past summer. I can honestly say learning from your mistakes is one of the easiest things you can do, and one of the hardest things to set into action. I'm currently sitting with Caroline Taylor and Caroline Suffield, and I did just say 'Hey Caroline' and enjoy their timely responses :) we are watching Pretty Woman. Julia Roberts is a beautiful, sweet, and caring girl that uses her body to not only get paid, but to give herself some sort of purpose, meaning, and use. I can understand this completely.

One of the most difficult things I'm facing today is self-worth. Where you place your self worth is where it lies. This is obvious and makes sense, but my point is that your self worth is very much what you make it. I have been a Christian since my sophomore year of high school, but it wasn't until this year that I actually understood what being a Christian means for me. Not only do I have a reserved spot in His name for my self-worth, but I am forgiven for how I've acted. For the ways I've received self-worth, for the people I've hurt, for the guys I've depended on. Over and over again I use guys to fill that void I have, and over and over again I am disappointed and left alone. WHY do I continue that pattern, you ask? Because the idea of giving control to the One who saved me means I have to rely on what I cannot see. Which means I have to give up the things I hate. WHY does that sound so ridiculous you say? because it is. The things I hate most about myself are the things I cannot seem to let go of, which is why I hate them so much. I live in a constant viscous cycle and always find the One solution is always the same: God. He loves me for who I am. He provides for me. He knows my hurts. He knows my joys. He brings me peace and He brings me relief. He brings me the joy I feel as I write this. He came for ME, and understands and loves ME despite my shortcomings!!! how amazing He is.. so what is holding me back is worthless in comparison to Him. I am shocked and embarrassed that I turn away from such an amazing solution to any problem. But realization is the first step :)

I have been blessed by so much :) A house full of girls that love me as well as girls outside of the house that are so amazing!! A lonely summer tried to make me forget that. I am so excited about this year, as well as the endless stupid things I know I'll do :)

So here's to a new blog, everyone that reads it, and change to come! sayonara.