Stop right now, thank you very much, I need somebody with the human touch..

DISCLAIMER: This photo has absolutely no relation to the title of this post. In no way am I admitting to love for The Spice Girls... I am on the topic of love today as God has revealed it to me over this break. I've had a great time seeing how I react to things. I have been consistently surprised by how I have changed and how my heart has changed and what I long for has changed... but this week completely solidified it in such a God-filled way!!!
I've seen how coming home isn't always easy. I said in my last post that was rudely interrupted by the A&M game (whoop for BTHO tu) that coming back to rules throws me off. Not because I wont follow them, but because I really just forget what it's like to respect rules that are in place for a reason. I also struggled with falling back into old patterns and habits of being home. Following a lonely summer, I was tempted to justify the loneliness I felt with 'spending time with family' when in reality loneliness was loneliness, so I filled my time with those who love me and had a great balance of both worlds. It worked perfectly! 


Hm.. I'm feeling like its time to bake. Maybe I'll edit later! 
vaya con dios :)

Turkey day... or for me, potatoes, vegetables, and cookie day!!

"Let us come before Him with thanksgiving and extol Him with music and song" -Psalm 95:2

What a good one for today. I can be brutally honest and say this is the first thanksgiving that really means something to me. The 19 Thanksgivings before this have been breaks from school, time to see family, time to see boyfriends, time to sleep... Just another block of time for selfish endeavors. This year I am so grateful. Not just because of the faith God has placed in my heart, but for the most random year... ever. I was talking with my friend Kyle about things I'm grateful for, and it sorta played out like this (be mindful, I made some edits so you don't have to hear mushy stuff about how grateful I am for Kyle as a friend):

I'm so grateful for my life, my transformation, for benign tumors and hair dye.. For changed hearts and impulsive tattoos.. For passionate kisses and the invasion of the Holy Spirit in my heart. Im so filled with His Love right now :) this is the first thanksgiving for me that actually means something!! And I'm grateful for every second of every day of my life- it all led me to Him!

 In a nutshell, life is pretty dang good. Not always easy, but good. Coming home is always awesome!!! I have been home twice this semester, which is funny cause last semester I came home maybe a million times.. But I appreciate home, as well as my family so much more. I don't dwell on the small things that drove me crazy when I was home.. I love the tea my mom makes so much more, and my parents dog Bumper so much more... my bed, the couch, the meaningless conversations we have.. it's wonderful :) But it isn't always the smoothest ride just because of the quick transition from independent college life to being under parents rules and responsibility. Now, that's not to say my parents are overly strict or weird, they are super chill and fun!!! But it is a different world :)

I had a wonderful conversation with my sister that kinda put me in my place at why I do what I do. Did I go to college because it was the thing to do? Or did I go because I wanted to pursue a career that required college to be successful? And what is successful exactly? And is my job that I want to pursue successful? Or is it another thing to do according to society? So many questions... here's my thought process:

• Why I went to college: I want with all of me to be a therapist. I want to help people and I want to know what I'm talking about and actually be helpful as opposed to just speaking from experience.
• Why I want to be a therapist: see above, I want to help people
• What is successful: Not having a job, but doing what I love and what He wills. Just having a job doesn't mean success.

A&M game is on, edit later!!!
 

I believe that my life's gonna see the love I give return to me!!

¹⁴ For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family^[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  ²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
 -Ephesians 3:14-21

 I just decided to hit you with two awesome things, that dominant bible verse, and then an awesome picture.

LIFE IS SO GOOD.

I want everyone to know where my heart is... so I made it bigger. I have been continuously reminded about how awesome God is! I don't want a life without Him- my life now is SO wonderful!!! Now, wonderful doesn't mean easy, but it sure does mean wonderful. I've been surrounded by love by girls in Theta, by new friends and old friends.. God works for good in ALL things, and I have seen that to be so prevalent in my life recently. My friend Catherine recently told me she wants to broaden her horizons and live life to the fullest, not as if she wasn't before (if you know her, you know she totally does), but that she wants to explore more friendships and get out of any bubble that is trying to capture her. How awesome is that? I strongly believe if everyone was even a little bit more like Catherine Turano, this world would be a way happier place. She's changed me and made the joy I had before impact more people. Thanks, CT :)

Best day ever, I just found a Diet Dr. Pepper in the fridge that I bought recently. Whoop!

AAAAANYWAY, I've started writing my family. I know email is the same, and is faster, but I've realized how a note is just so much more meaningful to those I love. Why in the world it took me this long to do something this small for them I'll never know! But I'm different, and I want them to see that. I recently had someone who was super close to me for about 2 years tell me that between the time we were friends and the time we weren't, I've definitely changed. Thanks be to Him who invaded my heart, and answered my prayer for change. I can't take ANY credit!!!! I just asked to be changed and I was. I made no effort except resisting things that make me hurt. Pretty good deal, eh?

Anyway, following my week that was so hard a few weeks ago, I can honestly say that everything that happened worked for my betterment.

Break up: Brought me closer to God

Not getting service: Opened my semester to working for breakaway, being (hopefully) an impact counselor, as well as pursuing my own missions. Oh, and more school hours :-/ 

For this semester, it gave me the opportunity to spend more time with friends, inside and outside of Theta :) To my besties: Prio, Catherine, Josh L, Kyle, Josh D, Joseph, you guys made my week so great :) Thank you!

Housing:  I have 3 roommates and have the opportunity to get to know someone new!!! It also got me the house of my dreams, and a place for my puppy :)

Bike being stolen: I got to explore the quad... that's pretty much the only positive I have for that one.

Failing tests: I have gotten to know my profs and my grades have shot up!! Thank God for awesome profs.

So life is pretty good here in College Station. Future stories/plans: Being locked in Evans overnight, camping at lake Brian, spending all day at the zoo in Houston and going to a concert at night... oh yeah. Go college life!!!

I'm going to memorize the verse I posted above.. expect a video of this accomplishment soon!!

Vaya con Dios,

Molly

Truly He taught us to love one another..

Great weekend? I think yes :) I have been SO blessed with so many friends!!! Especially these two :) Thank Jesus, He made people that can put up with me :)

So this weekend was insane. I spent the majority of my time cooking, and I LOVED IT. Have I mentioned how much I can't wait to be a mommy? I spent maybe an hour cooking biscuits, eggs (with ham and bacon and cheese), bacon on the side, and toast. I loved every second of it. I loved serving, I loved cooking quietly so the boys could sleep, I loved Josh roaming around out of boredom... It made my heart soar!! I just can't ever cook enough. And especially for my besties (oh, it's official, we have bracelets). There have been few times in my life where I can sit there, look around at the people I'm surrounded by and say 'These are my favorite people'. But that happened TWICE- Friday and Saturday night. To my besties: Kyle Powell, Catherine Turano, and Josh Lambert. Thank you for a wonderful weekend :) Thank you for putting up with my obnoxious laughter and my pasta that didn't go into boiling water. Truly, you guys make my heart glow. Not because of how you make ME feel specifically, but because of who you are as people. Thank you for radiating God's joy to me this weekend!!

I have another joy: I found a house!!! We have named her Jodie :) the address is 705 Pershing, and it's uber close to campus and is so so nice. I am so excited to live with Reagan Sinclair and Jen Lewis, (and possibly Polly Smellage and Jessica)! The idea of getting to live with these girls, cook a whole lot, put hammocks in the back yard... it's perfection. That- and my puppy gets to live with me and snuggle ALL DAY EVERY DAY! God is so good. He radiated His love for me during my rough time about the housing process. He showed me how much better His plan is than mine! And right again, Big Guy. I couldn't be more exited about the awesome girls I'm going to live with that ADORE you!! Thank you for providing them to be my accountability :)

Today has been a great day. I have seen so much joy in everything I look at. I worked from 9-12 today in the Commons for Theta Fiesta, and in every stranger I harassed I saw Him. God isn't always overly prevalent in just the church... sometimes He's more prevalent to me in the cheese and grape trays I get for lunch at Evans. Those were some good grapes, good work! I recently went to Whataburger with my friend Alisa, and she told me that I looked good. I was assuming physical aspects, but she went on to say, "no, you look good. You look happy and you glow". I was taken aback by this until I was able to respond that she was right, I am happy, I am glowing, God has given that to me!!! Especially with friends like Alisa Dubinski. She seems to always get caught in sticky situations and despite that she is always reaching out to everyone around her. It is such an inspiration to me! Not only is she sweet on the inside, but she is a HOTT mama on the outside :) Love you sweet thing!!

Thanks anyone?

GOD!!! You are so so great. I have never felt so at peace with everything You are doing. I know You will provide- what's funny is that I forget that despite Your consistency. Thank  You for not giving up on me. Thank You for being a constant. Thank You for allowing me to completely rely on You!!!
Thank you for my frooms: Reagan, and Jen. I feel like You gave me a great massage following unnecessary stress. You provided our house: Jodie, and she is perfect. Thank you for good friends to live with :)
God thank You for my besties this weekend. I just love them to pieces and am SO blessed to have them in my life. Thank You for allowing our friendship to form and strengthen, and mostly thank Your for finding people that can put up with me and my insanity :)

Catherine Turano and Alisa Dubinski, you make my heart sing. Thank you for being you!!!

To my audience, vaya con dios!
Molly

HOPE-

Hope. This is what defines my life right now. I mentioned this in my last post, but I wouldn't want to live without God. Not because He keeps me out of troupble, not because I don't like who I used to be, not because He fixes my problems... In a sense He does do all of those things, and does them perfectly. But that isn't why I wouldn't want to live without God!! I don't want to live without Him, because He offers me a hope and joy I can't find anywhere else. He loves me more than anyone else and at a depth that only He understands. He pursues me. On the flip side, He is God! He is my creator, He is all perfect and loving.. He is the reason for life. I love Him and need Him because He is God. His existance gives me hope. Why He picked me to be His daughter and save me from a life of sin and confusion... I just don't understand yet. But I do know that I am a daughter of Him and I am deserving and worth it!!

Dang, that was a love fest :) I've learned a lot in the last year. In bible study we went over how satan tempts us and how he attacks us in the smallest ways. We discussed individual shortcomings, and how we fall, and one that was common and expectedly so was the skewed view of beauty. A few hours before I had found this awesome verse in 1 Peter, that says,

^"3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."

I shared this with her and I was more surpised at the timing of this. God has used the Word to attack my heart with His love. I am a firm believer that you need to be in the Word or you can't fully understand Christianity.. And I'm living proof of that.

I had a great conversation with my sister Laura yesterday. She is such a sweet person with a heart for people that no one else I know has or uses. We talked about judgment, family, love, God, God's love, forgiveness, filters... it was awesome. A conversation that long needed to happen :)

ANYWAYYYY- about hope!!
I've noticed this past week when there is God's voice in my head or when it's satan. One way Anna in my bible study put it was that when you hear a voice in your head adn you can't figure out whether it's God or not, just see how it makes you feel. God wouldn't send you negative messages.. Now, He may sent you truth that you may not like, but He's not going to tell you your jeans make you look fat today. That may seem like common sense, but it is a big struggle now days.
I just walked by a heated religious debate in academic plaza which I just love. not only did the guys who were opposing Christianity seem to be pulling opposition out of their tukus, but the hopelessness in their eyes struck a chord in my heart. I have a heart full of hope and joy. These guys had hearts filled with negativity and sadness. Why would you refuse the thing that gives so much hope to so many?
I've been there... it makes sense while you oppose it.. but man I pray for their hearts today.

According to Josh and Tim I am a hippie. What makes me a hippie? I'm just sitting on a bench with my toms and my aviators and music playing... So not hippie-ish.. thanks for brightening my day, guys :)

love to you all,
vaya con dios!
Molly

I'll stand with arms high heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all!!

So, this picture shows me and my sister under our favorite tree at my grandparent's house in Midland. Sadly, that tree was cut down... but our love for it remains. And so does our personalities in this picture that are so prevalent to me. Laura being a little bit wild and crazy, me wearing my all time favorite socks that I tried to wear every day but my mommy wouldn't let me.. and me being the calm one while my sister being (I reiterate) wild and crazy and full of love. Normally I look at this picture with love and admiration!! Today, I look at me as a child and feel how childish my last few weeks have been.

My struggles involve seeking too much approval from others, approval from myself, and depending on that when I feel God is distant. This past week has been the epitome of that.
First, slate (or elections for Theta officer positions) was this weekend. On Sunday I sat by my phone hoping and praying I got the call from Amanda saying 'Would you like to be service chair?'. That call never came. I was okay with that... I wanted service so bad but I had convinced myself that I was relying on God's plan. As time went by, emotions ran higher and higher as I realized that the fact I didn't get it meant someone else was picked over me. And not only that, but that it must mean the nomination committee likes them better than me. Silly thoughts, I know, but I say again this is where I fall the hardest. I found out it was my roommate, Jenna Ponsford, who received this position. She is so strong, smart, organized, and wonderful. She will rock this job and do great things for Theta!!! But I have to admit at first I was pretty sad about it, because I felt like someone had messed with the plans God had for me. Did you catch that? I had planned for God to plan for me to be service chair. That is completely contradictory... So I had a good cry and a few hours of pouring my heart into the bible and eventually reminded myself of how amazing Jenna is and how great she will be at service, and trusted that God will place me somewhere else.

Upon working on this, recently I found out people have already found houses for the fall and have gotten roommates. I was under the impression that because of slate people would respect each other and wait until slate was over to form houses. But how dumb is that to wait when most people know already where they will live? I had a meltdown because no one had asked me to live with them. AKA in my head: They don't like me, they talked about not rooming with me, they made sure they filled the house before I had an opportunity to live with them. This thought was quick and out of my head, but it kept coming up as satan reminded me of where I fall. I stressed people out and tried to squeeze into houses that had no room, until God knocked at my door saying 'quit planning, that's my job'. I finally let go of it and not only have I found roommates but I have awesome roommates that I wouldn't trade for the world. As I was having my meltdown about slate Reagan Sinclair (frooms) came in and offered me comfort and prayed over me. How God works in wonderful ways!!! I have the most awesome girl in the house to live with and hopefully 1 or 2 other girls :)

As I was dealing with that emotional nonsense, my bike was stolen. Granted, this bike was free because I found it by a dumpster second semester last year, but still. I loved that bike. It was hot pink and lime green.. whoever stole it, you can't hide that for long. But that was a downer, because now I don't have a bike and I was just starting to ride to campus every day in an effort to save money on gas and also to maybe burn a few calories :) So that was upsetting as I ran around campus looking for it and found nothing..

THEN, the class I was failing got worse. I missed the q-drop date and looks like I'm stuck with it. I can bring it up but it's going to kill my social life. I also got a 49 on a paper that the girl I worked on it with got a 78. Given, she's brilliant, but still... slightly frustrating. Good thing this girl, Jenn Lewis, is a wonderful woman of God who jumped at the opportunity to tutor me and encourage me!!

Also, I was dealing with the loss of a good friend. He needed space for a week and it's been pretty tough not being able to text him and see how he is. But if anything, it has reminded me of who is in control, God. He is dependable. He loves unconditionally. He is taking care of my friend... after all, He is the one who created such a wonderful person. This loss reminded me of where I fall, and I poured my heart into the bible more than usual and it has been wonderful.

SO, today's horrible horrible day flipped upside down. Following all of this, my best friend Alisa Dubinski immediately found me and hugged me and said 'lay it on me'. She listened and encouraged me and loved on me... she is so amazing. I'm so lucky to have her!!! Despite her own bad day she dropped everything to comfort me. That's real friendship :)

I had to study for the test of the class I was supposed to drop, and spent a good 5 hours with Jenn Lewis (who I mentioned above) who I just adore. She thinks my stupid jokes are funny, and she's freaking hilarious!!! What a joy to be around!! She doesn't get frustrated with my lack of knowledge (nice way of saying dumbness) and is encouraging and wonderful thoroughout it all. I'm so blessed :)

Then, my friends Prio Ball and Josh Drillette came to the SCC to order some theta gear, and completely brightened my day. It's guys like these that remind me of how God works so perfectly, by placing the exact guys I wanted to see in the same place as me so they can put a smile on my face, and encourage me, as well as make me laugh so loud people around me glare. It kinda completes me. I love how these guys allow God to work through them!!

So the day went from a terrible day that I cried for hours about, to a wonderful day filled with God's peace and love. I prayed ALL DAY for this peace, and when it didn't come on my own time I got frustrated. Little did I know God was definitely letting me feel emotions but He was also helping me move on through that. What a wonderful God He is!!!

I look back on my day and am slightly embarrassed. Yes, it was a lot piled up on each other so emotions would be high, but I felt like my world was ending. When I think about it, I have SO much... a water fountain for example. I JUST completed the 10 days where I am reminded of how difficult it is to get water in other countries. And here I am frustrated because I felt like people didn't like me?

Now, I just focused on the events and how I felt during them. My insecurities and desire for approval were short-lived, as I know that only God offers a comfort that surpasses all others. But this week was a huge wake up call as to my plans. I was put in my place by my big, Polly Smellage, when she said that I need to slow down, pray about where God wants me, and stop jumping from organization to organization and activity to activity. To let God lead me where I'm supposed to be and that will be where I'm happy as well as successful. And of course, my friend Joseph was just a phone call away for some humor and good stories :) such a wonderful light in my life!

I was so blessed to have so many speak truth into my life. The girls I ran to for comfort consist of: Grace Guthrie, Catherine Turano, Polly Smellage, my mom and my sister. I am so blessed to have these awesome women who know me and are so strong. I have definitely never felt so supported!!!

So that was what has been going on in my head. Tuesday can't come fast enough- test that I need to get an A on, and BREAKAWAY and bible study!! Such a long and wonderful day. I keep feeling like my relationship with God can't get any better and it continues to grow as I grow.. How incredible!!

Thanks anyone?

God, my thanks to you has dwindled. Continue to radiate Your light to me as I get so busy and focus on myself. I am nothing without you. The other day I was driving and thinking about You, and how if You weren't here I wouldn't want to live. I don't want to live a life without You. I finally understand the image of me being held and loved by You. It's not a You're there I'm here relationship anymore. It's an I'm here, You're here and there and everywhere relationship. Thank you for this revelation and comfort!!

Thank you for my accountability: Grace, Alisa, Polly, Catherine, my mom, my sister, and Beth. I never realized how hard You have worked to keep these girls in my life despite my past attempts to stray. Thank you for placing me on their hearts and allowing them to love me and me to love them. That is rare and incredible!!

Thank you for my guy friends: Prio, Josh, and Joseph. These guys are such good friends that are so fun to be around even for the short time I spent with them. Thank you for allowing business transactions to turn into fun times, and phone calls to turn into story time. Continue to show Yourself through these guys!

Well, I guess that's it for tonight. I have a test in the morning... I'm in my running clothes so maybe I'll actually get up and run.. maybe...

To my audience, vaya con Dios!!
Molly

GRAND SLAM!!

So you know those days when you are just hit in the face with a bible verse that attacks every last worry in your heart whatever the circumstance? Today was one of those days. I am so worn out by my self-destructive personality and having issue after issue cut me down. I've seen the peace that Christ gives. I've felt the love and the hope only He offers. And that knowledge alone has saved me!! I was texting my friend Beth Pinto about despite my recent trial I have a peace that is not of me. Because I don't have a single bone in me that enables me to relax EVER. So this peace I am experiencing is definitely straight from my Creator!!! How awesome He is to offer that to me in a time that consists of some hurt and tears. This verse just rocked my world:

"Though you have not seen Him, you love him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believable in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." -1 Peter 1:8-9-

Dominant, right? Recently I've been working on knowing what to say when people ask me about my faith. Because I know it comes from my experience but what about those who know my experience? It is important to know why I believe what I believe. But when expressing how my life has been changed, the main thing I can think of is joy.. That verse perfectly describes what I feel about my new life and the people I'm surrounded by. An inexpressible and glorious joy.. Ask anyone and that's how I describe my life with Christ!!

I've rediscovered my joy in music. I am going to give up secular music for this week (last week was selfishness) and focus on Jesus music and live in it! Because I have found the music I listen to influences my heart, as does the people I spend time with. The small things sometimes influence the big things! But I have picked up my guitar again and am enjoying that form of worship. I'm not a performer, but I do love connecting to God through that!

I will do another post tonight after church :) Gotta run!

Vaya con Dios!
Molly