Shoutout to CATHERINE TURANO

You're welcome, CT :)
1st, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALISA DUBNISKI (x20). Yay :)
Seriously y'all, this girl is so freakin' awesome. Not a second goes by with her that you aren't laughing or smiling or giggling or in my case, snorting. If you don't know this girl, get to know her!!! I have spent tons of time with her these last few weeks and I can honestly say I've smiled more :) So thank you CT for an awesome few weeks!!!

OK-- on to Jesus :)
Jesus has RADIATED in my life this week. On Tuesday in bible study there were 3 awesome girls whose lives are being transformed by the worst of circumstances.. Anna's mom was murdered 2 weeks ago. Katy's friend is in the hospital because of a heroine overdose. Such sad things that God shines so brightly through. Anna said it was the first time she had consistently felt peace about it in weeks. Katy said she felt God there. HOW FREAKIN' LEGIT IS THAT??? God was in that bible study with all of us. And He also managed to reach me- the focus was on 'you aren't who you used to be'. Just what I needed to hear in addition to God's message of how blessed I am now!!

So, my parents are coming this weekend. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!! Seriously, They are so knowledgeable and so loving. I am so so blessed by them! This weekend will be fun. We have a Theta tailgate and time to just hang out with the rents :) ballin!!!

I was on facebook today and my status was still 'Terrible, terrible day' from Thursday due to arriving late to a test, being sick, and finding out I'm failing a class. Not that much to make a day terrible, right? But in that moment I was DOWN about life. Which is very hypocritical, considering I'm currently participating in The Wells' Project 10 days where I sacrifice all beverages other than water for 10 days. I'm practicing a sacrifice to help others who's bad days consist of walking miles for water and carrying a 30 lb jug back. Seriously? Grades that wont matter when I actually get a job are ruining my day while those who have to walk to get water that I can access down the hall are shouting praises to the Lord??? How selfish can I be?

I've decided that sacrifice is a great way to connect my heart with God. This week, I am going to make an effort to do absolutely NOTHING selfish. As in things that provide opportunity to serve others or myself, I'll choose others. It sounds dumb that I don't do this already, but in small things like getting someone water or giving them my last piece of gum.. that stuff goes on all the time without most of us realizing it. Again, I reiterate that THESE petty things are selfish struggles for me while the people I'm currently sacrificing for don't experience any of it. What has happened to this world?

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
 ² Worship the LORD with gladness;
   come before him with joyful songs.
³ Know that the LORD is God.
   It is he who made us, and we are his^[a];
   we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
 ⁴ Enter his gates with thanksgiving
   and his courts with praise;
   give thanks to him and praise his name.
⁵ For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
   his faithfulness continues through all generations. -Psalm 100:1-5

I repeat.. What has happened to this world? I did mission work in Mexico for spring break for 4 years in a row and we had to drive 12 hours to get there. We stopped in El Paso, though, which is a wonderful place that produces wonderful people (Jenna Ponsford). But when at the Walmart that overlooks the border, it is so depressing what you see. You look down and see paved roads, you look around and see nice cars and lights and plumbing. You look at the border and you see dust, a broken culture with dumps the size of mountains that people dig through and die in because they fall through to the firey inferno below. You smell sewage that runs in a river by the houses because they don't have anywhere else to put it.. and you see children with knives as play toys. NONE of those facts are exaggerated or fake. Why have I forgotten this? Why do I allow this to continue?

Those people perfect the concept of dependency on God. They truly understand Psalm 100. They get it and they live it. Sure, I understand dependency on God because of broken emotional circumstances, but I don't know Him on a level that is due to broken lives and broken social structure and the blatant fact that people don't care about you or your society. If my friend was living like that, I'd move heaven and earth to get them in a safe place. These people that are suffering are not just friends, they're brothers and sisters in Christ. Why am I not doing ANYTHING to help them?

The funny thing is I don't know why I went on this rant tonight.. this was so incredibly random.. but what makes it funnier is that today in a church service that I payed little to no attention on (based on missions) they discussed God's calling to missions. I want to go to Africa so bad. I do believe that God just worked through me in this blog in this moment. How AMAZING He is!!!!!

Maybe my calling this summer isn't to a summer camp... maybe it is to Africa. Oh my gosh.. I need some serious prayer time.

Thanks anyone?
Lord God, thank you for working in me in the most amazing ways and random ways. If You are working in me to go to Africa, or wherever, continue to make it be known!! If you want me to work in Dallas, make it be known. I am at full disposal of Your will!
God thank you for Catherine Turano, thank you for her joy and spirit and sweet heart. You have done good work with her, Lord. Continue to make yourself known to her as she radiates Your love!!
God thank you for Alisa Dubinski. She is 20 today and has been such a light in my life :) You are obviously working through her in me!!! Thank you for that opportunity!
God thank you for putting a passion for service in my heart. Thank you for providing for me and continuing to show me those who don't have a fraction of the things I do. I ask You to continue to heal my heart and don't let guilt creep in for the way I live and where I live. Instead lead my heart to ways of change for Your children, Lord!!!

AH such a spriritual night!!! To my audience, Vaya con dios :)
Molly

This is my bunny... and HIS name is Brenda!!!

I would like to formally introduce you to my bunny, Brenda. He is a boy. I received him when I was going through the stage where I was attached to my mom but starting to try to detach, therefore I balanced that by naming my favorite bunny Brenda and making him a boy. Success.



I have been feeling the joy of the Lord so much lately. Not in the intense version where I have been saved from terrible circumstances that I couldn't let go of; I have officially stopped dwelling on those things and have moved onto joy of the fact that I have been saved. Not from the things I did, but from sin in general!!! How lucky am I?? With God's perfect timing He revealed Himself to me in a way that I can barely explain. He has put incredible people in my life that I still don't deserve and never will... But I know for a fact it was God's doing by putting them in my life. For starters, my family. I recently gave my testimony about how my family has worked through so much and in the end came back to love and cherishing each other. I cherish my parents so much! They are my rock, my comfort, two of my best friends and to me the most understanding, accepting, unconditionally loving people I know. I haven't gone off the deep end or gotten into drugs and alcohol, but I have done some things that normally parents would flip out on. Instead my parents wrapped their loving arms around me and told me they loved me and encouraged me. I am so so grateful for them!!! Then there's my sister. She has one of the purest hearts of gold I've ever known. She's been dealt some tough cards and picked up some tough cards on her own, but her heart has never changed. She has a love for people, all kinds, that I pray never goes away. Then there's my grandparents, both sets, who are so amazing and so loving all the time. Then there's people like my Aunt Linda, who has MS and walked a mile at a local MS walk in Austin. Not only did she finish the mile, she was one of the highest people to raise money and was the most beautiful one there. On the other side of my family, my uncle Sammy is a quadriplegic and is such a trooper. Going from starting on a college football team to a wheelchair is so incredibly hard and he is so strong and encouraging and is such a man of God.  I just am overwhelmed with how lucky I am to have such a great family. I can only hope I provide HALF of that kind of love to my future family :)


ANYYYYYYWAY... sorry about that rant.. God has been radiating love in my life that is so undeserved. I can't fathom His love for me. He is putting so much effort into our relationship that I haven't spent nearly enough time on!!! What an amazing concept.. cooperating with my Creator.


I was talking with Katie Willis recently about life and slate and well, life, and she had a very valid point that kinda transformed my week. She basically said that she does what she does not for earthly reward, but for His purpose. So if I am supposed to be a trash woman, I will do it and I will do it to the best of my ability not for my company's success, not for a confidence boost, but for His will. Every bag I'd grab would be for Him. I would be using the talents He gave me for His will and His purpose. No matter what the talent is!!! This gave me inspiration to finish this weekend with strength... and maybe a pint of ice cream :)


I've been noticing some pretty cool things. Like cool people I never really hang out with. Like Emily Boothe for example. Tonight I was carving pumpkins with her and even in that situation she was encouraging me to carve well. Who else would do that as sincerely as she does? Then there's people with a heart of gold like Alisa Dubinski, who on one hand laughs at me in a small room at Super Nails and on the other has a broken heart after giving her puppy away. Her heart is so pure and so intentional... There's no other reason for that than God. Because that kind of sweetness and joy is not made by herself, but it is from God and is radiated by her. Praise be to Him for these two wonderful hearts :)


Then there's guys that are just so special to me: Cam Clinton, who is practically my big brother and who takes care of me and continues to keep up with me. Kyle Powell, who has a heart the size of texas and is consistently serving without expectations. Joseph Green, who is such a great friend and sacrifices for SO many and it continues to go unnoticed. These guys are such good friends!!!


You know, I think I just had a good list of thanks. God, you know what to do!


To my audience, I LOVE you!!!! Not a second goes by that I won't sit and talk with you. Don't hesitate..
Rollin' with the homies..
Molly

Killing us softly..

Crazy week? YES YES

I had the privelidge of interviewing with two awesome camps this week. Pinecove and Sky Ranch. Do I plan to work at a camp this summer?? I have NO idea. I don't know why God led me to apply.... Maybe it was because He really wants me to work at a camp. Maybe it's because He wanted me to realize that I have a lot of work to do in the bible aspect. Either way, I'm so trusting Him that He will lead me in the right direction.

Currently I'm in Sociology, and we are watching a movie called 'killing us softly 3'. It's about women, body image, and lives based on the typical stereotype. This is something I always struggle with.. I am consistenly surrounded by the idea of the perfect body and have never been fully content with my own. I can honestly say I have only recently been okay with how I look just only due to the fact I have realized where true beauty lies... Not in this world.

I've been thinking a lot about my husband recently. What I want to say to him when I describe my past... what I want to do for him and how I want to love him. When it comes down to it, he's going to love me no matter what I look like!! So why am I so worried? On the other hand, there's that whole God thing. HE has loved me since I was a gross slimy chubby mess. Did I care how I looked then? no.. I believe as a baby you are still so in tune with God and close to the aspect of unconditional love. So why can't I return to that idea after I acquire knowledge, logic, and everything else that SHOULD influence my closeness to God and if anything bring me closer?? He loves me unconditionally. He wants my heart. He is making a man for me that will love every part of me and not just how I look or not just my personality... Why worry?

Sorry about that rant.. I don't know where that came from. The video I guess. I've had such a great reminder this week about my past in giving my testimony twice to complete strangers. I was reminded of how lucky I am to be me and how short this live on earth is.. how all the things I continue to worry about will have absolutely no worth when I go spend eternity with my savior!!

Thanks anyone?
God... You are so amazing. I have never felt so sure of anything in my life until I finally found You. Thank you for continuing to boost me up even when my head gets in the way!!!

vaya con dios,
Molly

He is jealous for me..

Is that a heart, you ask? Yes, yes it is. I just want to throw it out there how awesome my friends are. Seriously, I have the most incredible accountability and love that I definitely don't deserve. I don't know what I would do without them... It's amazing how God continues to show me His love all because I finally let Him in. It was a small decision but God broke down those built up walls and invaded my life.. what  a blessing that is!!

Breakaway this week was rough. I'm the first to admit that I haven't lived the life I should have. And the discussion of boundaries (whether sexual or relational) smacked me in the face, then picked me up, smacked me again, and then stepped on my toe. It's about time I own up to my mistakes, but I never really thought about how much I hurt God when I hurt myself. My self-destructive behavior is INCREDIBLY selfish. I don't just hurt me, I hurt everyone around me and I hurt my creator. In no way is that okay. Because intentional hurt to myself is intentional hurt to all those I just mentioned.

These past two weeks of breakaway have been incredible. I've learned a lot about love, and how it's used in a positive aspect and how it's used negatively. I learned I can still love with my whole heart.. but until my feet are firmly planted in the Word and in God's hands, I can't commit to any type of love. Loving God is loving others... It's what I want to do with my life. I've come to know setting boundaries pretty well, but only on the other side of the mistake. Now I know what I can and can't do.. so I follow that and make it known. I know as a Christian, I will fall. But the more I can avoid it, the better!

I'm in such a reminiscent mood today.. I love thinking about my past (good and bad) and seeing and feeling how different I am. It's amazing how a simple invitation to the One who created me can literally change my life and those around me... Who knows what He is doing in my life right now. But I DO know it is good :)

Thanks anyone?

LORD!!! I am on fire for You. You have rocked my world and broken me in a beautiful way. I can't begin to describe how thankful I am... but lucky for me, I don't have to. It's kinda nice that You're in my head all the time. Only then could you know the extent of my joy in You. Continue to guide my eyes to You. Keep me focused, on the right path, as I continue to make that effort. I still know I can't do it without You. Thank you for Your Spirit in me... I can feel You everywhere I go.

To my readers, continue loving. It's the only thing that matters in the end!!
Molly

If I wake up tomorrow will you still be here?

Pure joy? I think yes. I had the privilege of spending the whole weekend with my incredible family and my baby girl, Bella. 6 hours in the car with this bundle of joy :) My life is officially complete.

I loved this weekend. I had so much time with my family to sit and talk and share our hearts. We discussed our faith and what's going on in our lives.. and even better my parents said they've noticed a change in me. Already God is shining His recently understood light from me. What an honor.. I got to see/spend some time with some really cool people as well as some people that it was really difficult to see. But God healed my heart. He gave me the strength to love on those it is hard to love and to smile at those who I didn't know I could smile at. I feel as if I am living proof of God's love and power. Who I am today wouldn't be possible if it weren't for Him... I can say first hand I did NOTHING to change myself. I surrendered my heart to Him and allowed Him to change me. But I did nothing special or super hard except admit I couldn't make my life better. I released control and gained love. I love to love. All I want to do is love. I am overjoyed that I finally found a place where my passion for love and people is utilized and needed to do it right. I am still learning boundaries, and how to do it, and when to do it. This has been especially difficult with my past with emotional dependency on the guys I dated... But I finally feel as if I know what real love is, and that I can still love and stay on the path to Him who created it.

ANYWAY, I am so joyful. Only God could heal me the way He has. Only God could provide incredible people that I definitely don't deserve in my life. Only God could create love, a passionate deep experience filled with joy and peace!!! Only God could give me a little 7 month old bundle of joy that loves to french kiss anyone she meets. She defines unconditional love :)

This past weekend we got our littles. I can tell you hands down mine is the coolest. Rebecca Wilson loves unconditionally, gives GREAT hugs, and is genuinely interested in anyone she meets. I am so lucky and blessed to have her and I am so excited for our relationship to grow until it busts. God is working so much and she is so in tune with Him.. I am just in awe of her ability to love!!! Not only that, but she fits in so well. My big Polly is my mentor, my accountability, one of my best friends.. I'm so blessed to have such a Godly woman for a big. She has changed my life just by the way she lives hers. In short, our family is pretty pimpin'. that's all I have to say :)

Thanks anyone??

God thank you for my family. Thank you for the transformation occurring in Dallas and in the hearts of the people that know me best. Thank you for inspiring discussion about You this weekend, and letting Your light shine from me. It is a blessing and an honor to even be involved in a glimpse of You.
Thank you for my Theta family. My little is such a light to me.. She radiates love and your joy and I can't get enough. Thank you for blessing me with two incredible ladies that will be with me for the next 3 years. I am so lucky to be able to love and confide in such baller girls :)
Thank you for my puppy. Everyone knows how much I adore her, but no one fully understands the depth of it. She is my light and my source of joy and comfort (other than Jesus, duh). I love her with all of my heart and I thank you for her sweet soul and happy personality. I can't get enough of her, either!!!

To all my readers, proverbs 3:5-6.

Molly

God thank you for this fire you have lit in my heart.

And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand..

Tranquility. I feel that way just saying that word. This photo (by Catherine Turano) encompasses that for me. Ocean, greens, blues, sand, cute toes... A silence only broken by the waves. Perfection? YES.

Today was that for me. I wasn't in a hyper dancing mood like normal, I was in a quiet mood. On my drive to my first class I didn't listen to music. I didn't put my headphones in on the way to class. I simply drove, and walked, and listened to the world around me.

Feeling tranquil? I sure am.

All day I had this voice in my head that I needed to listen. Be quiet. Cut out all the noise and be. I did that, and it was wonderful!!

Breakaway yesterday was awesome. Not only did I get front row (again), but it was by far the best sermon I've ever heard. I struggle with love a whole lot. Not in the sense that I love and dont have it returned, but more that I want more than anything to love. I tried it on guys and decided to take that away and give it to God. It was my understanding I had to tiptoe around guys and people and not love too much for fear of causing drama... Ben spoke the words God needed me to hear. it isn't about me. Crazy concept, right? My passion for love isn't something to be pocketed until I'm married. My passion for people needs to be explored. The Christian community should overflow with the love I want to give. It isn't romantic, it isn't infatuation, it is genuine love for your brothers and sisters. I can do that, and I can do it well. God gave me the tools! I remember the point made where the love we give to each other means I'm 'invested, but not impressed'. aka I give all of my heart to my community, but I keep my head and needs with the Lord. That was the answer I've been looking for. The part of me that I put away for safe keeping has been brought back in a Godly way. He is guiding me on how to do it! Cooperation with God, what an awesome thing..

I'm falling asleep as I type this.. definitely will say more tomorrow!!

 thanks?

God, You know what's on my heart. Continue to guard it and lead it towards You!

to my readers, vaya con dios.
Molly

Tell me how am I supposed to breathe with no air?

I'd say this pretty much encompasses the christian community at Texas A&M, dontcha think?

What a wonderful weekend! No game, lots of time at the house, lots of time with mah ladies, and lots of time to relax. I had TONS to do, but it was stuff that involved me locking myself in my room and doing it. It was great :)
In a chat with my incredibly awesome, way-too-cool-for-me roommate Jenna Ponsford, I was reminded of why I'm doing this whole Jesus thing in the first place!! This is the general point she made:

"No matter what I'm doing, or how I'm doing it, NONE of it is worth anything unless it's God's will. I can push myself to do something that He doesn't want me to do and I know I wont do it well simply because it isn't His will. I work to be successful at everything I do because it isn't my own will"                                          -Jenna Ponsford

 Freaking awesome, right? She is so wise to say the least. God had her say that at that to put it on my heart for the rest of the weekend. Why do I want to be wanted so bad? God wills it!!! BUT, the kind of wanting I desire from friends, family, boys... it's not dependable or fulfilling. It is there for a reason, yes, but it isn't what satisfies the desire for love. God put that desire there SO He could fulfill it, because He is the only one who can. JP (Jenna) is so incredible and I'm so lucky to have her creep on me as I sleep.. ahem, I mean have her as a roommate. She is understanding, loving, and freaking hilarious :) I love you to pieces, Jenna!

I had the pleasure of spending Saturday with Alisa Dubinski. Y'all!!! She is so cute. Seriously. Despite hard times that find her, she works hard to keep a smile on her face and share it with others. It cracks me up.. again I reiterate: If you don't know this girl, GET TO KNOW HER!! Alisa, whether you realize it or not, the Lord radiates through your smile and your precious hugs :) Thank you for that!!
 Following this I got to hang out with my FREAKING AWESOME BIG Polly :) my gracious do I love this girl and the support she gives me unconditionally. If I had to pick one relationship that resembled the unconditional love God gives, this one would be it. She knows everything about me (especially my faults) and continues to encourage me towards the Lord. Not only that, but she shows me love and encourages me in my talents.. What is better than that??? She is so amazing. Despite her own struggles she works so incredibly hard to be there for me. Best big ever? I think so! Then she put up with her dog Kylie and my dog Bella playing all night.. Needless to say, they were loud. I loved every minute of it :) Polly, thank you for loving me unconditionally and tirelessly. I really don't know where I would be without your encouragement!!! I know I can always come to you with any struggle, joy, or random story and I will always be appreciated. Thank you for always making time for me :)

Well! I just love my friends as seen above. I'm so unworthy of their love, but dang it I'll take it :)
Sunday was awesome. I was up continuing my endless work on PC '10's New Member Presentations and also attending the baby shower at 1:30. MY LITTLE IS SO INCREDIBLE!!! This girl, seriously, is way too cool for me. I am so blessed by her already and can't wait to show her the love I've discovered. Until then, I'll just give her little gifts :)

Looks like it's time for thanks!!

Thank you Lord for my friends!!! Thank you for Jenna and her wisdom and encouragement. Thank you for Alisa and her smile and love. Thank you for Polly and her encouragement and unconditional love!! I would be worthless without these people, but of course You know that because You provided them for me! Thank you for my little, and her smile and her heart for You. Give me the strength, knowledge, and clarity to show You more clearly to her as Polly has for me!!!

To my readers, remember today.. He is jealous for YOU!!
Molly