Here's to the nights we felt alive, here's to the tears you knew you'd cry, here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon...

That's right y'all, a heart in my latte. Rumor has it this is common, but in my mind I'm special and this was God telling me first, that coffee is good for the soul and two, that He loves me! Today was a GREAT day! I had so much time to be quiet... it was wonderful.

For starters, I was up super early and got to my first class super early. I had time to sit outside in the BEAUTIFUL weather and just think about life.

Phew! I just caught a beetle in my room in a cup and let it go outside. Good deed for the day :)

But class was a good nap.. woops.. and after I got to go see my baby girl Bella and she was so wonderful :) my little bundle of joy!

I then ran errands, finished homework, ate the rockin' Theta dinner (yes, we had banana splits for dessert) and headed off to Muldoons to study. Not only did I do that, but I got to see my beautiful former roommates Taylor Saxon and Beth Harrington. These two girls are so amazing!! They have always boosted me up and loved me with absolutely no judgment. Beth is so funny and caring about everyone around her. She genuinely loves and supports her friends :) Taylor is so dang sweet and intentional. She is sincere and honest in the love she gives. I couldn't ask for two more awesome girls to have coffee and apparently bad cake balls with. I am so grateful for their love and support even when I have to tell them the hard stuff!!!

I came home after studying and I got started on finally beginning my pen-pal system with my grandparents. I received my grandfather's recorded testimony in the mail the other day, so I made time to listen to it. It was incredible. I've always put this huge divide between my faith and my grandparents (and that generation's) faith. Listening to his testimony, we had the same level of faith. It's dumb how I think just because I'm more open about my faith that means I'm further along. Not at all. My grandparents are incredible people- only through Christ could they be the people they are, the people that made me who I am. I immediately started writing my letter to them filled with love and overflowing gratitude. My grandfather has alzheimers. Despite this, he pursues God and loves unconditionally. My grandmother is having to take on roles she never knew before, despite this she is stronger than ever. Again I say only through Christ could this happen. This all welled up in me and overflowed onto the letter I wrote. Never have I allowed myself to look deeply and appreciate them for who they are. I am so glad I finally did!

Tomorrow is an awesome day filled with dates with awesome people :) Praise be to Him that I have that ability!!!

Thanks anyone?

Lord thank you for Beth and Taylor. Thank you for reminding me of how incredible they really are, and how they radiate Your love and comfort no matter what the situation. Thank you for continuing to work in them and remind them of how beautiful they are and how Your opinion is the only one that truly matters, even though the world sees and aknowledges their inward and outward beauty it's only You that can make them believe it.
Lord thank you for my awesome family. We are all so strong because of how we have been broken and Lord I thank You that You gave us that strength. Thank you for my Gaddy and how strong he is despite his current battle. Thank you for my Ganna and her unconditional love towards Gaddy and everyone else. Continue to provide the strength they need to make it through each day living in Your name and doing Your will.
 Amen.

To all of my readers, todas necesitas el amor de dios!!
Molly

Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why

 Ok, I just love this picture. I think it encompasses my love for music, right? This is in the TAMU radio station where I studied with Michael. Freakin' awesome, y'all. Check it out!

Today was so interesting. NOTHING went my way!! The shots I've been trying to get for 2 weeks now were postponed again because they didn't have the dosage.. again.. But the joy I found in spending time with some super cool former aggie nurses overrode that. Then there was having to turn in a paper I found out about the night before.. But the joy I found in having the technology not work and having class canceled overrode that! Then my trip to the mall to get an outfit for the crush party failed, my need for new glasses couldn't be supplied, and the line for smoothies was too long... I left empty handed.

My day was pretty materialistic and despite my usual selfish down attitude about how nothing went my way, my heart was turned to the Lord and how beautiful it was outside and how lucky I am to have the friends I have. I am constantly reminded of how awesome my sisters are... And even in that sense, how awesome my family is. I was having a rough day yesterday and got in my car to go get fast food. I then had a voice in my head question 'why are you going to get food?'. I listened and admitted to eating my feelings.. turned around and went home. I then decided to go to the bible as opposed to my other bad habits, and right when I opened it I was looking up a verse and at the top of the page I found a note from my mom.

It transformed my night and impacted my whole day today. I immediately sent my parents a long message about how lucky I am to have them and how blessed I am by them. I appreciate them so much and never tell them. It was a small note that boosted my confidence, reminded me I'm loved, revealed my appreciation and instigated a love fest with my parents :) I notice I forget a lot to sit and remember what I have, or what I'm thankful for. Most of the time it's my parents. If someone treated me the way I sometimes treat them, I'd get up in their face in a very white-girl way. But their unconditional love never fails me... If they love me that much, how can I even try to understand God's love for me??? It's indescribable the warmth I feel and peace I receive when I think about that. I will never truly know the depth of God's love for me until I see Him in heaven... what a Glorious day!!

I had the joy of spending time with Alisa Dubinski today.. she is freakin' adorable y'all. The least judgmental person I've ever met. She loves unconditionally and constantly and puts a smile on my face all the time :) She is encouraging and compassionate. If you don't know her, get to know her!! She is such a joy to me.

I'm thinking its time to head to bed.. My longest (and greatest) day is tomorrow and I've got a test coming up.

Thanks anyone?

Thank you God for today. Thank you for the weather and the people I spent time with. Continue to use Alisa for Your will, because her passion and love could be from no one but You. Thank you for my family.. Thank you for constantly reminding me that they are a blessing and I'm incredibly lucky to have them!!! Let's have another glorious day, ok??

To all my readers, peace out girl scout!

Molly

Red skin makes teeth look white! Thanks, sunburn...

Dang! It's been a while.. Last week was a long, numb, experience of studying + exhaustion. This Jesus thing is SO great, but it is hard to keep up 24/7. I was talking with my big, Polly, and she said something that made a lot of sense to me. She said that though we don't always FEEL God all the time, it's not what it's about. It more has to do with the fact that even when I don't feel Him, I need to continue to pursue Him and know that He is there working in me. That was a huge comfort to me, because even when I'm losing friends and making mistakes I always am thinking of God and how I can be better..

Anyway, I went to Chorpus for a pledge retreat this weekend. It was sooooo much fun y'all. I can't even begin to tell you!!! The girls in my sorority are so amazing. I got to know girls I thought I knew pretty well, and was able to open up and be loved an accepted without question. Shout out to my car buddies: Grace, Reagan, Alisa, and Caroline Taylor. Seriously, best 10 hours in a car ever!!! I love confiding in y'all, learning from y'all, and laughing with y'all. Seriously, I don't think we stopped talking for any part of either ride.
My favorite night was definitely the first night. We played 'hot seat' games and random question games and learned so much more about each other :) But dang, the beach was fun!!! Not only did I get an awesome sun burn, but I got to pet the cutest doggies and hold a jelly fish!!

This weekend was such a nice reminder of how lucky I am. I can honestly say I deeply care about and adore each of the girls at the house. Grace, Beth, CT, Caroline, Reagan, Alisa, Brittney, Chandler, Laura, Sydney, Allison... Thank y'all so much for showing me love and genuine care over this weekend. I'm so blessed by each of yall and how genuine you are. I can't wait to continue loving on y'all and getting to know your hearts even more as the year progresses.

Thanks anyone?
Thank you, God, for providing me with these amazing girls I don't deserve. Thank you for loving me no matter what and reminding me of your unconditional love and loyalty. Thank you for providing girls that are real with me, hear me out, and give advice straight from You. Continue to remind me I only need You. You fill the emptiness!!

Adios friends,
Molly

I will never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever..

Is this really on your wall, you ask? Yes, yes it is.

Ive decided that this is how I live my life. Now, it can be a great thing and a bad thing. This reminds me to continuously love on those people around me so that they can be loved and FEEL happiness. BUT if I rely on this to make myself happy... not only am I selfish but I'm screwed. I was having a normal day, no glorious sky pics or life changing events.. I was frustrated after class because it was so long, and it was too dang hot to have to walk.. It was a whiney day. I then had a hott date with Grace Guthrie. Y'all... she's amazing. I have poured my heart out to this girl twice now with no push from her. She has been through tons and has a GORGEOUS smile on her face and a heart for the Lord like I've never seen. My 'okay' day was immediately a great day after I shared my heart with her and heard hers.. and a freakin' awesome soft taco. Seriously, Fuego is awesome.

It's amazing how a simple smile from a friend or lunch with another can change your whole day. That just goes to show how easy it is to have a positive outlook and how often we gripe about days that don't have to be bad. No one will admit it, but it's true.

I had a great chat with Allison Schwarzbach on the bus as well. I never get to see this awesome girl and the two minutes I got with her left me with a smile on my face. Positivity is soemthing she's super good at, and that was another boost from the Lord to say that the info above that was on my mind is totally true!! I'm amazed at how consistent He is with reminding me that I've made the right choice. I think God knows me pretty well.. I need consistency, and boy has He given it!

My day after that kinda went slowly. I went to the rec and got on a machine, decided I was tired and went home. Had dinner at the house, got ready for meeting, decided my dress was too short after many people commented (THANK YOU!! truly I needed to know) so while I threw on the only other dress i had which was wrinkled, I burned my leg steaming it while I HAD IT ON.. yes I'm dumb.. I then went to evans library to study, went to the scc, went to the theta house, went BACK to the scc, went BACK to evans, and went BACK to the house. I was extremely bored and couldn't focus.

Speaking of moving around.. I must share this. The other day I was walking into class (actually the wrong room by accident) and this slightly chubby short guy in front of me was struttin his stuff to his ipod. I mean STRUTTIN'. He saw me behind him... I need you to picture this.. He flung open the door, spun in a complete 360 degree circle, caught the door with his hand and leaned against it and said 'Here ya go'. This is where the audience in my life's sitcom claps... it was hilarious. I smiled and tried not to laugh.. and not only did I giggle outloud after failed attempts not to, I had to turn around and leave when I realized I was in the wrong room.. woops!

THEN, after that class, I was walking in front of the chem bldg and a guy was giving out flyers to help flood victims. As he did this, he said 'help stop the flood!' and I said thanks. The girls behind me were chatting it up and one said, "wait... how are we supposed to help stop a flood? Do you think we supply towels and stuff?"

oh yes, she did. Then the other said, "I don't know if that would help... maybe it's to help the people that get flooded"

oh yes, she said 'get flooded'

I was so tired at this point that I literally laughed out loud, in their direction, and walked away. woops again..

Now all of that is hilarious, I'm proud to be an aggie still despite it, but MAN did I need those laughs at that moment. God definitely knows me and my humor pretty well, after all, my life IS a sitcom!!

I recently went to spoons with my fiance Mitchell Pate. He's precious yall, get to know him if you get a chance. We discussed a very important topic... the word 'boat'. Say it and think about how weird it is.. it is, right? But on a more serious note we did have a good talk about idols and what it meant when Ben Stuart was talking about it at Breakway. What a slap in the face!! I idolize so much and I didn't even realize it. This week has been great for not only realizing what I idolize, but learning what to do with this realization. NOTHING is more important than God. NOTHING really matters but God. NOTHING lasts through eternity. I can be apathetic about life after realizing this, or I can take it full on, do this Jesus thing and worship like I never have before!!

Thanks, anyone?

Thank you God for Grace Guthrie. Thank you for her joy and strength and complete love for everyone around her. Thank you for allowing Yourself to speak through her an show Yourself through her. You made a beautiful woman of God and I thank you so much for putting her in my life.

Thank you God for humor. You know how sarcastic I am and I just love that You are too. Thank you for putting people in this world to brighten others days without even meaning to!

Thank you for Mitchell! He's such a light from You Lord and he sure puts a smile on anyone's face. Thank You for providing people like him to show Your unconditional love.

To all of you, vaya con dios.

Molly

Sin has left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow..

Might I reiterate, the minute I give anything up to God He's given it right back..

I had a wonderful lunch with my best friend since second grade, Beth Pinto. No matter what, this girl is there for me despite my reoccurring stupid acts. Thank you, Beth, for never judging me!! I took a lot away from our conversation.. I am all pumped about this new Jesus thing I'm doing and see it only getting easier from here!! But man am I wrong.. It only gets harder from here to not fall back into those patterns, which I have already felt myself doing. The devil is the real deal... I was just sitting at dinner and immediately old thought patterns came into my mind of insecurity that came from NOWHERE. But as soon as they came, they left when I realized how dumb they were.

I am so in awe of God right now.

I got to see my beautiful puppy and enjoyed a good 2 mile run. Whoop for getting back in shape!! One experience I'm still on a high from was with Caroline Suffield. We went to the mall to pick up a few things and I of COURSE went to the puppy store first.. While there we met a mentally handicapped man named Joe. He kissed my hand and I got excited and thanked him for making me feel so special. This made him so happy that he did it 4 or 5 more times as well as hugged me and took a picture with me :) Not only did I receive a huge hug from this man, but I saw so much beauty in this guy that I haven't seen in anyone else. PURE JOY.

Time for thanks!

Thank you God for good music... thank you for faithful friends like Beth Pinto and Caroline Suffield and even new friends like Joe. Thank you for continuing to provide light in my life directly from you, even when I don't ask for it. Thank you for being consistent. You are the only thing that truly matters!!!

Sleep tight,
Molly

Seeing God in nature has always come easy to me. If you haven't noticed, every picture has some sort of nature aspect to it and so much beauty. I can say as a photographer as awe-inspiring as these pictures are, it's not hard to take pictures of pretty things! I take absolutely no credit. I absolutely LOVE MY SCHOOL. Walking across campus makes me happy as does seeing corps guys all around :) but truly, its as if God made this place for me. I love being independent, I love talking with people at 2am, I love being on A&M busses and going to football games... it all is so great :)


I'm filled with the joy of the Lord today. I am learning so much about myself and am growing so much. I have learned to lie to myself like a pro and not know, which seems silly but is very true when you take a second to think about it. Today while walking across campus I popped in my headphones and walked to 'Young Folks' by Peter Bjorn... made my day. I literally had to resist whistling while walking. It encompassed the joy I felt as well as the relaxation coming :) One thing I know for sure is that I am who I am. I struggle with being too friendly and therefore have to deal with misunderstandings... but I am who I am. I am loved for who I am and who I'm going to be and the person God's changing me to. It's a lot to take in but it's all so wonderful!

I went on a run yesterday, first time in a while! I planned a route to campus but it didn't last long.. (word to the wise: Guys with trucks and big egos... flashing your lights, honking your horn, and pulling over to shout at me is the worst way to attempt being with a girl. That's all I have to say about that!) my run was great. I had started running with the idea in my mind I was going to have some huge Godly revelation that I could tell everyone about... false. Expectations with God are hilarious to Him. I had a quiet and hard run. I ran too close to dinner time, so I felt like I was going to puke the whole time. I had to deal with tools. I couldn't keep up my former pace for more than a minute!! I was slightly bummed. But I did get to see that sunset... which made it all worth it.

Things I see God in:
Sunsets
Water
People's eyes when you look into them, and I mean REALLY look.
Animals
Silence

I always need my quiet time, if you know me you know that. This summer following a breakup I connected with my friend Abbie who happened to be farm-sitting that weekend, and got two days to ride horses and just be quiet... never have I felt such God-given peace and contentment. Horses are graceful, and when I ride for once I can say I'm graceful as well. I can say that in confidence!! I hope someday I get to have my own.

I have decided to pursue those things that make me feel peaceful. God is always coming to meet me, why don't I ever make the effort to meet Him? So if anyone knows of a nearby lake... let me know :)

I was talking with a friend last night about my puppy, Bella. Recently I gave her a middle name- Mia!! Thank you Mia DaMommio and Caroline Pownell :) But I was discussing how much I love my baby girl... I actually began to tear up. If I could go back and show my high school self the truth of God's permanence and pursuing of ME. Loneliness consumed me this summer and my sweet girl quite literally saved me. She gave me someone to take care of, someone to love and play with, someone to snuggle with.. She went everywhere with me :) Sure, she is just a dog enjoying all the attention, but unconditional and constant love like she gives me is rare in life. And I found it in a little squirmy white bundle of joy :) So when I attack your puppies with love, I'm just returning the favor guys!

see, you know she's cute.. Man, today's going to be awesome. I get to go to spoons with Mitchell, work out, and go to dinner with Polly who's getting her ring- WHOOP! (good bull) I'm so excited for what's in store for tonight :)

to all of you, remember ol' John's words... the heart of life is good!!
Molly

See you drvin' round' town with the girl I love and I'm like... 'forget you'!!!

Phew! Another long and glorious day. I have found that having one class on MWF doesn't mean I get to rest, at all. It means all the stuff I have to do for the week gets bumped to those days. But hey, I do love productivity! That's for sure :)

I have been a little off lately. Spiritual high is the real deal. Highs and lows are also real. The joy I have for the Lord has not and I hope never will fade!! But phsical exhaustion is a definite weight in the pursit of the Lord. I struggle a lot with serving. I've rambled tons about selfless service without expectations and I've been doing really well with that, I haven't felt any sense of lacking appreciation or selfish desires to be acknowledged. One thing I have struggled with, though, is doing too much. I  was in tears on Tuesday because I had to do so much for so many other people that I was overwhelmed. The first person to retract requests was Adam Keith, which was funny because he hadn't asked me for a single thing. The second person to check up on me was Michael Kanne. These are two of the most amazing guys, y'all. Seriously, God has brought them to me in such special circumstances and I wouldn't change a thing about them. Never once do they cease to make me smile and make sure. Early thanks: Thank you God for these awesome guys and how you have transformed relationships to YOUR will and not my own. Thank you for blessing me with them and their strength and joy in You...

There are two kinds of service I go for. Service that goes unnoticed but are generally requests, and service that I unload on people that really deserve it and need it. These are my favorite kinds of serving!!! Because for people like Beth Pinto, Devin O'Donnell, Caroline Suffield, Amanda Caldwell, Adam, Katie Willis, Daniel Megison, Jenna Ponsford, Jay Anderson... The ones that have so much going on and so little time because they're doing so much for so many others.. I can't help but pour my heart out to them. But there is a huge difference between being a small area of help to someone and being used. I've noticed how after I am asked once to help out, the requests keep coming. WHICH IS WHAT I WANT!!! I want to selflessly serve.. But there is a line that I have to draw to keep myself sane, as well as keep from being a constant source of laziness-cure.

I have one rule about life that I like to follow. Many disagree with it, and it may seem stupid, but it makes sense to me. This rule, is that I will sacrifice my heart, mind, and body to help someone else. If someone's feeling lonely, I will go out of my way to befriend them and spend time with them even if it makes my life a little difficult. NO ONE deserves loneliness. NO ONE should have to deal with the world and it's societal 'friendships' that are fake and more painful than being alone. I have felt that way, and not a single person on this earth needs to feel that way. I have made it my mission to seek out people like this.. Because not only do I understand, but these people are incredible people with love overflowing in their hearts that can't be stopped. I understand..

Now, following that rant... Today was a good day :) I got tons done and have been really loving one on one time with God. I was talking with my friend Lauren recently and she mentioned that when it comes down to it, God, and my relationship with Him, is the only thing that really matters. He is the reason I'm here and the reason I'm able to experience my favorite past time- loving on people. This world is messed up, yes, but it definitely wasn't created that way. On my drive home from Brenham there was a beautiful sunset and rolling hills of God-intended earth.. Sorry, scientists, but I just have a hard time believing a bubble made all that. God is so present everywhere, especially in nature. I saw Him on that drive and appreciated Him all over again :)

So I am exhausted. I was talking to my big, Polly, the other day and she mentioned 'good thing we get our strength and acceptance from God, huh?'
I've been placing my strength in Dr. Pepper and the goal I have been pursuing for the Lord: doing for others. In a way this is very revealing. I went a week serving non stop with full energy, and now it's wearing me down.. I had a week of complete joy in doing for the Lord. Now it's just getting harder.. But looking back on how He has healed my heart and scars, what is more worth it than that??

I apologize for the rants and lack of energy... A good nights sleep should help that :) Thanks anyone?

God thank you for giving me strength I don't have. Thank you for revealing to me passion, love, and care. I am working as hard as I can to fulfill my challenge that You have given me. Please continue to challenge me and bring me closer to You!!
I also need strength to keep my feelings out of this challenge of service You've given me. I don't feel the desire to be thanked, but I have definitely been struggling with the transference of love languages. Mine is gifts and service in giving love. Receiving is quality time and physical touch. Please help me keep these separated and keep my eyes on You and not the acceptance of others!!

Happy Thursday, everyone!! You know what that means... one more day until Friday :)
La paz y salud a todos :)
Molly

I never knew that I could love someone the way that I love YOU.

So I've decided attempting to post anything over the weekend is hilarious. I did try, I just failed as expected. I can honestly say this has been one of the most eventful weekends of my life. I felt like I never stopped despite how much time I had where I didn't have anything to do... maybe that's what happens when you are up past 2 am every night. woops!!

Yes, I am now labeled as two things. One, the girl with like 12 spongebob band aids on her right elbow. Two, I'm 'that girl that passed out' at the Texas A&M football game due to exhaustion... so embarrassing, and yes, you can tell everyone.. fail Molly, fail.

I had such a wonderful weekend though. As many of you know this week has been so revealing to me in so many ways and I finally let go of everything I've held onto for so long. It has liberated me, allowed me to be open about issues that no longer define me, AND it has given me relationships that actually have depth. The minute I let go of some relationships that weren't healthy for me this summer God turned around and gave them right back in a fun, healthy, and Godly way that I never thought I'd have with those people. Example A: Adam Keith, a kid that I dated this summer and went psycho on because I was so emotionally dependent I can now be friends with. It's no secret that there's a reason I picked him to date. He's funny, sweet, completely and totally GENUINE in everything he does and just downright adorable. I was blessed to not only have the opportunity to date him for a bit, but to call him a friend. Going into school I was scared of several relationships including that one that I didn't think would exist after the way I acted towards them. But like I said, the minute I gave these things up to God I got them right back. I can honestly say that I have finally learned the difference between romantic interest and friendship, and the way pursuit of those things work. Not only that, but I have felt a passion for selfless service that God has pushed me to share, and I feel like I have been able to share that with random people and even people that I'm close with. Dang, my heart is changing and I really hope that it shows :) I am so grateful for the second chances I have with the amazing people I surround myself with. So to those people listed above and others, you know who you are, thank you for allowing me the opportunity to change and be loved by you. Thank you for your smiles and ability to make me laugh. Most of the time that's all I need :)

I have always had a huge issue with love. It is a blessing and a curse that my two desires in life are to love and to serve. Aka, be a rockin mom and wife!!! And recently I've had overflowing joy, and not just silliness, but LOVE galor. All I want to do is love on people and hug people and smile with people. I want love to overflow from me onto other people as joy does from Michael Kanne, or sweet sincerity does from Adam Keith, genuineness from Grace Guthrie, pure goodness from Reagan Sinclair, consistency and non-judgmental views from Beth Pinto, or radiant-caring from Jenna Ponsford. The list goes on and on!!! This love that is exploding from me completely has to do with the love I have received from God and friends. I have never felt so supported, so accepted, so LOVED. And I have you all (especially those listed above) to thank :)

AHHHH okay, PC '10!!! Baby thetas have transformed me already. Today was the pledge retreat at Amanda Caldwell's ranch. Not only did I get to hear 49 amazing girls' hearts, but I got to pour mine into them. I literally shared a general summary of my life and how I've been transformed. Not just from this summer, but from depression and hurt in my life to the joy I now have!!! I cried for the love I feel for these girls. I am so grateful for each and every one of y'all.. I don't deserve you girls in my life but hey, I'll take you!!!

I am an open book! I got to spend some awesome time with Katie Willis today :) I figured out that I am more than happy to sit and tell anyone my problems. But I'm finally able to say I'm doing something about it in addition to laying my problems out for everyone to see. I am being healed, as we speak :) God has provided the amazing people I mentioned above to assist in my transformation, in so many different ways. I think it's time for some thanks!

Thank you God for providing those people to help me change from a selfish person to a giving one. Thank you for showing me how to emphasize my talents from You and suppress and change the not-so-awesome aspects of me. I don't have the strength all the time to recognize those things all the time.. but You do!
Thank you God for allowing me a second chance with people that I treated so badly and disrespectfully. Thank you for their smiles and encouraging words that was the basis of our friendship, and now can be again. I realize I don't EVER deserve second chances, but praise be to YOU that You offer them out in addition to grace and mercy.
Thank you God for giving me PC '10 and their pure perfection. Each and every one of those girls has had a past that blows my mind and their pursuit for each other and You is incredible to me. You put me as pledge assistant for Your good. I am forever changed by the incredible depth to these girls' hearts and their sincerity. THANK YOU for them!!!

To all of my readers, salud! (luck in spanish, also bless you, also cheers... hmm..)
Molly

Guess what, I'm engaged!!

I love Mitchell. That is all. See you at the zoo on Wednesday hubby :)

Love is in the water, love is in the air. Show me where to look, tell me will love be there?

MAN!! Another awesome, and busy, day!! I literally got to spend half the night with my baby girl (Bella, my puppy) and it just made my heart happy. She is such a joy to me!! I know everyone thinks its so weird that I'm so obsessed... but literally, she saved me this summer and is a light in my life :) THANK YOU GOD FOR PUPPIES. They make the world go round!

Well, following the tornado in Cstat there was another within a mile of my house in Dallas. Apparently the tornado couldn't get me, so it went for my family... jerk. But oh my gosh, today was wonderful. The rain just made my life complete. It also made my hair greasy, but that's worth it :)

I had the honor of having lunch/smoothie with the gorgeous Ansley Hayes. Such a testament to the way the Lord keeps his hand on you despite whether you seek Him or not. Oh, and she picks a good smoothie!!! But seeing her and getting to know her heart really boosted me for the day, God's really working hard to send me these constant reminders of His love and how I've made the right decision to be this person that He revealed to me and dang, He's consistent!!!

I followed this love-fest with the loved fest mentioned above with my puppy. I'll say it again, I LOVE HER. She truly makes life worth living when you've got nothing else.. AND when you have everything :) I gave her a bath and needless to say, I got a bit wet. But I giggled the whole time :) She sat with me and played for a good hour or so and then I figured it was time to take my baby back to Daniel, Michael, and Sam's house. Every time I bring her home I am greeted with such warmth which is nice despite the sadness of having to leave her side!! Sam Totusek has to be one of the most adorable guys I've ever met. He is such a softie (YES YOU ARE SAM) that emits such a badass-cool dude vibe. And as much as he tries to resist, he just loves my puppy. In short I always look forward to him and his goofiness, constant encouragement, heart of gold as well as his adorable smile. So thank you for that, Sam! I made an agreement following walking into their.. disorganized *ahem* home to clean it once a week. This is definitely necessary following the many ant trails I discovered. And, I enjoy cleaning and serving them in anyway possible because not only is that something I'm passionate about (not cleaning, so quit your chuckling all you boys, serving). Even just helping with organization got me thinking about my husband, and how I just can't wait, like REALLY CAN'T WAIT, to serve him and my family in any way possible. The excitement of it all overwhelms me!!! I finished the kitchen and Michael and Daniel walked in the door. Then I was pushed into a wall by the amazing Daniel Megison. He is the sweetest teddy-bear man of God that I've ever met. AND he's got the perfect girlfriend to match :) There's not a second I'm around Daniel that I'm not smiling. Goofball is the word to describe him.. but even then, he's got a heart that longs to love everyone around him that God definitely gave to him to use. and ask anyone, Daniel embraces it and shares love like no one I've ever met. I truly could spend a whole day with this kid and love every second. I began to clean his room and organize clothes, etc and Daniel ran off somewhere. So since Michael was as bored as me, he kept me company for a while. Michael Kanne is seriously one of the sweetest, most sensitive, caring, and loving men of God I know. Despite my emotional and needy personality, he has never given up on me. I can say that I understand him. He loves without fail. He puts himself out there and risks his own heart to help anyone around him. He would do anything for one of his friends, or even a stranger on the street. He is the epitome of a servant, and even more so is the epitome of the word passion. I absolutely love any time spent alone with this kid, because immediately he whips out his computer and unloads tons of music on me. I love music, and have always called myself a music fanatic until I met this guy. His love for music is amazing to watch. You can see it when he plays something he likes, in his face and his motions, even in his hands. But the most obvious part of Michael that radiates his passion is the precious little smile that he can't contain.. it's so interesting to watch, at least for me. Music isn't just a bunch of notes to him, it's something that connects directly to his heart. It's awesome to watch this God-given talent in action. Michael, like Daniel and Sam, is a goofball. I enjoy just sitting with him and chatting, because his passion for life puts me in a place where I can't help but smile. His joy brings me joy, which is one of those things where I actually don't CHOOSE to share joy, it penetrates my heart and puts a smile on my face. I guess that's what happens when you meet your emotionally-similar twin. Anyway, I just loved spending time with these guys. God works in so many ways and it has been an incredible blessing to get to go over there and see the light of my life, Bella, and these guys whenever I like :) What a wonderful opportunity and blessing!!

I did finish cleaning though, and their place (minus the piles of 'go through' stuff) is spotless. Their closets are organized, their rooms, and beds are made. It took me a while but it was great!!! I had some time where those precious guys had gone to the rec to work off some energy that was rattling the walls.. scary.. and I flipped on my ipod and rocked out to a genius playlist based on the song Hosanna by Hillsong United. Gets me every time. Before I knew it I was belting out the Jesus music in Michael's closet while folding shirts and shorts. Bella sat in the doorway looking at me like I was crazy, and even I felt that way. I'm CRAZY for the Lord!! He is filling me with this joy and all of these amazing people that I don't deserve. He loves me today, yesterday, and forever. Why?? Great question.. That'll be a good one to ask at the pearly gates.

Hang on, good song just came on my itunes. Be back soon.

Alright! That was a good dance party with Brenda (my MALE bunny.. I adore him). But back to what I was saying. I find the Lord to be obvious to me in a few things: Rain, sunsets/sunrises, puppies, friends, music, and nature in general. Tonight was filled with that! I caught a few frogs outside while walking Bella. One I left alone because it was as big as my hand.. the other I brought to visit Michael and he ran in the opposite direction. Good to know Michael is scared of frogs :) But seriously, check this out!!

I know, huge right? I poked at this thing for a while and couldn't stop laughing at my current situation. I'm such a nerd with animals, but frogs are freakin' hilarious! They just like, chill, and hop, and chill some more, pee on your hand, and hop some more. God spent some extra time on these things!! But it just finished up a wonderful day. Smile on my face, puppy in hand, and kisses on the face, I can go to bed with so much love and joy in my heart. Time for some thanks :)

Thank you, Lord, for giving Ansley to me as a constant reminder of how amazing you are. She is beautiful and so encouraging. You definitely did some good work with her :)
Thank you for Sam! He is such a joy and encouragement to me with just a smile. He puts up with my goofiness and is a sweetie. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to spend time with him!
Thank you for Daniel! Thank you for giving him the gift of love and silliness. He puts a smile on my face constantly and even then, I know it's you working through him and not just the fact that he's so amazing. Thank you for providing such an amazing man (now with organized t-shirt drawers) for this earth. He will definitely do great things with his life!!
Thank you for Michael! I seriously adore this kid. He is so strong and sweet, even in hard times. He cares like no one I've ever met, and that's obviously from you. It's hard to put yourself out there for other people and not know whether you'll get love and respect in return, but this guy does it just to be a blessing to them (whether he knows and acknowledges this). Thank you for his smile and his passion for music. Thank you for his joy and allowing it to overflow onto me. I am so so grateful you are working in him and that I can see it.
Thank you for college, and the opportunity to grow up and be ME as You created me to be. I am excited about the future and thankful for the present. Thank you for allowing me to live in each and every moment today. Because I know I'm not capable of not worrying, but I also know You gave me the ability to relax today.

To all my readers, recuerdais.. el amor de dios es en todas las cosas. amen.

dang spies...

MAN. What a day!! For starters, tornado in College Station? HUH? Yes, I was that girl running with ruined toms in hand to the bus twice due to classes being canceled and then emails saying class was back on and then canceled again. Yes, I was that girl drenched from head to toe with all the other ones running across campus twice with no shoes on.. that was definitely me. As negative and sarcastic as that sounds, and as upset as I may have looked at the time, God's timing works perfectly. I had forgotten how much I LOVE rainstorms!!!
I knew today would be crazy but man I didn't expect such a hectic-dreaded-day to turn out to be so beautiful. This year I've been blessed to be surrounded by so many beautiful girls as WELL as get to know 49 new theta babies that each individually have already changed Theta for the better. I have never felt so loved and encouraged in my life, and yet I continuously turn away from it. This is EXACTLY like my relationship with the Lord. He pursues me, He loves me, He is jealous for ME!! What the heck? I was pondering all of this, and had some fun realizations with Reagan Sinclair on the way to breakaway.

Recently I felt a push to join a bible study. If I'm going to really do this whole Jesus thing, I'd say I need to know what I'm talking about. So I signed up and joined one with Grace Bible Church. First, let me say I never do things like this. The idea of losing control and just jumping head first into something never even goes through my head. I always research what I want to do, throw it out there and practically advertise it to everyone I know in hopes someone will do it with me, and THEN either go through with it or don't do it. Never do I throw myself into stuff like that. But hunger for the Lord consumed me. I went online and signed up for not only a bible study, but a new mindset: He is worth it.

Slowly following my sign up that insecurity creeped in. I began to advertise to my friends and a knot rose in my stomach as I had committed myself to this and no one was biting. Not only that, but I became frustrated with those girls that didn't show any interest. Newsflash Molly Shute, it's not about you. What I didn't know at the time was God was really pushing me to sign up alone, and to go alone, and to prepare my heart for the change that is coming. College is a fresh start, yes, but people already know the old me. This is a group of amazing girls that I have an opportunity to be the person I want to be with from day 1. In my group there are 4 girls, Lauren, Lauren, Jeane, and me. My two leaders are Emilee and Jane. These girls are awesome.. They actually thought I was funny and cared about what I had to say and why I had joined the bible study.

What I didn't mention was how I knew I was in the right bible study. There are several significant songs that have helped shape my faith and life. The number one for right now is 'How He Loves'. This song hits my heart hard as my strongest desire is to love and be loved, and He offers it freely.. another would be 'From the Inside Out' which I heard for the first time on a mission trip where, ironically, I had gone with a church where I knew no one except the trip leader who was constantly covered in kiddos. Another instance of me following God's lead, and that trip transformed me forever. And you'll never guess what happened in worship before the bible study? That's right, they were played back to back. Praise be to Him who knew I needed that right then and there! I was filled with such joy in that moment that it gave me the strength to face my social fears and just be ME. man... God works in mysterious ways, yes, but dang this one wasn't too sneaky.. Better luck next time, Jesus.

What's hilarious about my life is of COURSE Breakaway was great (as usual) so I was on such a spiritual high when I got home. And to top off a great different-day-than-I-thought-it-would-be, I come home to a bug in my bed. That's right, the one girl in the house with a serious phobia of bugs finds one in her bed... freakin' a... But I was chattin on facebook and was reminded about how lucky I am to have Jenna Ponsford in my life. The other night we were talking about how goofy smiley faces are, and how you can make them have mustaches or not.. then that lead to how the only people with mustaches in this world are either pedophiles or detectives.. and then that lead to how hilarious it would be to actually speak in the way we text.. as in 'I can't believe it I'm so happy for you :)' Now act it out in a mirror. That whole sentence would be said normally and then you add a slight smile at the end. I don't know about you, but that is pretty dang awkward, therefore funny. Lastly, this wound up to lead to the famous 'spies' smiley :/

who actually can make a face like this :/

We didn't understand, but Jenna managed to do it. Now how we labeled :/ here as a spy, I can't actually remember... But I do know we managed to name them all

:})= detective/pedophile
:}*= definite pedophile
:/= spy

so if you see anyone that looks like those.... you know the code..

Back to life. Jenna is a joy in my life and I couldn't ask for a better, more understanding, or more beautiful roommate :) So thanks for being awesome, Jenna. And thanks for allowing me to giggle with you until 2 am :)

Now thank you God for allowing Jenna to be a part of my life. Thank you for breakway, bible study, good friends and love. Thank you for friends like Grace Guthrie who constantly love and check up on me despite how way-cooler than me she is :) Thank you for revealing to me that love hurts, but it is beautiful and I am fully convinced that the hurt is never stronger than the love I will feel for the man I will love, Your child. Thank you for reminding me that He is out there somewhere, right now, loving You and preparing himself for me. And lastly thank you for loving me unconditionally despite my wavering faith. It is stronger day by day.

Now I'm off to face my bed, aka the former home of the male bug that Brittney Rice murdered... pray that I am not defeated by the fear I am feeling even sitting on TOP of my covers!!

To all my readers, vaya con dios.

Molly

From one scarred hand to the other..

Today has started off really well! I'm in class listening to my Food Sciences prof discuss a new food called Krispy Creme Cheesburger... vomit. That has got to be the most disgusting thing... ever. I was reading from the book 'Searching for Significance' that I got from my best friend Lauren Kerner, and a quote really hit me:

‎'faulty perceptions of God often prompt us to rebel against Him. Our image of God is the foundation for all of our motivations. As we grow in our understanding of His unconditional love and acceptance, we will be better able to grasp that His discipline is prompted by care, not cruelty.'
-the Search for Significance

You know what this means? Every problem I hold onto and every sadness I dwell on is actually me being able to cooperate with God. You hear that? I have the opportunity to COOPERATE with the One who created me. Not only that, but He is obsessed with me in a way I could never understand. Seriously, God, you have the wrong idea about me.

As I was thinking about this, I felt a bitterness rise up in me against everything that happened this summer. About how I finally realize what I deserve and I put myself in situations and even created situations that caused me to think otherwise. Not only was I angry at myself, but I was embarrassed. The shame and guilt I had finally caught up with me in that all these things I had done in front of the Lord. Societies standards will embarrass anyone, but shame in front of God is 100x worse.

I allowed this to sink in, got a smoothie, and took a deep breath. A sense of realization transformed to relief as I finally gave up my summer to Him. I had held on to it as if it hid it from the one who is always there.. and until I let it go and repented, it ate away at me and my ability to love.

Following this, my day went a little bit like this: Go to Texas Aggieland Bookstore on Texas to get a book, they send me to the northgate store. There they tell me they actually only ever received three of the books. So, class, those three students: you are automatically cooler than me. Congrats!

I have had two awesome days where I spent time with the lovely Caroline Taylor. Today we went swimming and I can tell you that swimming is one of the most peaceful forms of exercise ever. Oh, and did I mention she was a lifeguard? Needless to say I felt very safe. Anyway, my sophomore year of high school I was on a mission trip to Costa Rica, where we did this exercise where you spend time in small groups praying and then when you're ready you fall backwards into a pool- symbolizes cleansing and being purified from all sins.. forgiveness in the form of H2O! It was this trip where I accepted Christ.. what a perfect day to be reminded of this :) Being in a sorority offers little time for quiet, and a lot of time for being loved on by awesome girls. But being in the water was like being in another world... of silence, coolness, perfection, and purity. It was quite obvious God put His swim trunks on to meet me there today!

Never have I had a week of such quick realization, progress, and results. I have seen so many blessings today. In Amy at Academy who I talked to for about 10 minutes, in both Aggieland Bookstore people I talked to and the pitiful looks they gave me as I left book-less, in the many phone calls and messages I received about this blog and how people like it... It's amazing how present God is in everything, and how long I've missed His presence.

I can really see Him. It's all so obvious.

To my sorority sisters: Thank you for being so amazing all of the time. Never do I go to bed without a smile :)
to Jenna Ponsford: Thank you for being you :/ SPIES.
To my mom: happy birthday mommy :) I am so blessed to have you as a mom- I am so lucky to be able to say I'm just like you!!!
To my puppy Bella: I am obsessed with you. Thank you for saving me this summer and showing me true unconditional love :)

To my followers, whoever you are, here's to impulse :)

Start of something new

Well! I mean this quite literally in the most High School Musical-sense possible. I would like to kick off this blog with my dream from last night. Ever since I had surgery those drugs messed up my dreams (and probably more) and they continuously get more and more bizarre. So, last night I had a dream that I bit off Catherine Turano's right thumb and pointer finger because she was trying to poke my face. To make matters worse, it took of the skin-thumb part and not the bone, so her bone was just chillin. BUT, don't worry, Catherine grabbed her recently detached finger-parts and just put them back on. So everyone's okay guys :)

Man. Coming back to college is such a relief, it is nice being surrounded by so much love and happiness as opposed to this past summer. I can honestly say learning from your mistakes is one of the easiest things you can do, and one of the hardest things to set into action. I'm currently sitting with Caroline Taylor and Caroline Suffield, and I did just say 'Hey Caroline' and enjoy their timely responses :) we are watching Pretty Woman. Julia Roberts is a beautiful, sweet, and caring girl that uses her body to not only get paid, but to give herself some sort of purpose, meaning, and use. I can understand this completely.

One of the most difficult things I'm facing today is self-worth. Where you place your self worth is where it lies. This is obvious and makes sense, but my point is that your self worth is very much what you make it. I have been a Christian since my sophomore year of high school, but it wasn't until this year that I actually understood what being a Christian means for me. Not only do I have a reserved spot in His name for my self-worth, but I am forgiven for how I've acted. For the ways I've received self-worth, for the people I've hurt, for the guys I've depended on. Over and over again I use guys to fill that void I have, and over and over again I am disappointed and left alone. WHY do I continue that pattern, you ask? Because the idea of giving control to the One who saved me means I have to rely on what I cannot see. Which means I have to give up the things I hate. WHY does that sound so ridiculous you say? because it is. The things I hate most about myself are the things I cannot seem to let go of, which is why I hate them so much. I live in a constant viscous cycle and always find the One solution is always the same: God. He loves me for who I am. He provides for me. He knows my hurts. He knows my joys. He brings me peace and He brings me relief. He brings me the joy I feel as I write this. He came for ME, and understands and loves ME despite my shortcomings!!! how amazing He is.. so what is holding me back is worthless in comparison to Him. I am shocked and embarrassed that I turn away from such an amazing solution to any problem. But realization is the first step :)

I have been blessed by so much :) A house full of girls that love me as well as girls outside of the house that are so amazing!! A lonely summer tried to make me forget that. I am so excited about this year, as well as the endless stupid things I know I'll do :)

So here's to a new blog, everyone that reads it, and change to come! sayonara.