I have been a little off lately. Spiritual high is the real deal. Highs and lows are also real. The joy I have for the Lord has not and I hope never will fade!! But phsical exhaustion is a definite weight in the pursit of the Lord. I struggle a lot with serving. I've rambled tons about selfless service without expectations and I've been doing really well with that, I haven't felt any sense of lacking appreciation or selfish desires to be acknowledged. One thing I have struggled with, though, is doing too much. I was in tears on Tuesday because I had to do so much for so many other people that I was overwhelmed. The first person to retract requests was Adam Keith, which was funny because he hadn't asked me for a single thing. The second person to check up on me was Michael Kanne. These are two of the most amazing guys, y'all. Seriously, God has brought them to me in such special circumstances and I wouldn't change a thing about them. Never once do they cease to make me smile and make sure. Early thanks: Thank you God for these awesome guys and how you have transformed relationships to YOUR will and not my own. Thank you for blessing me with them and their strength and joy in You...
There are two kinds of service I go for. Service that goes unnoticed but are generally requests, and service that I unload on people that really deserve it and need it. These are my favorite kinds of serving!!! Because for people like Beth Pinto, Devin O'Donnell, Caroline Suffield, Amanda Caldwell, Adam, Katie Willis, Daniel Megison, Jenna Ponsford, Jay Anderson... The ones that have so much going on and so little time because they're doing so much for so many others.. I can't help but pour my heart out to them. But there is a huge difference between being a small area of help to someone and being used. I've noticed how after I am asked once to help out, the requests keep coming. WHICH IS WHAT I WANT!!! I want to selflessly serve.. But there is a line that I have to draw to keep myself sane, as well as keep from being a constant source of laziness-cure.
I have one rule about life that I like to follow. Many disagree with it, and it may seem stupid, but it makes sense to me. This rule, is that I will sacrifice my heart, mind, and body to help someone else. If someone's feeling lonely, I will go out of my way to befriend them and spend time with them even if it makes my life a little difficult. NO ONE deserves loneliness. NO ONE should have to deal with the world and it's societal 'friendships' that are fake and more painful than being alone. I have felt that way, and not a single person on this earth needs to feel that way. I have made it my mission to seek out people like this.. Because not only do I understand, but these people are incredible people with love overflowing in their hearts that can't be stopped. I understand..
Now, following that rant... Today was a good day :) I got tons done and have been really loving one on one time with God. I was talking with my friend Lauren recently and she mentioned that when it comes down to it, God, and my relationship with Him, is the only thing that really matters. He is the reason I'm here and the reason I'm able to experience my favorite past time- loving on people. This world is messed up, yes, but it definitely wasn't created that way. On my drive home from Brenham there was a beautiful sunset and rolling hills of God-intended earth.. Sorry, scientists, but I just have a hard time believing a bubble made all that. God is so present everywhere, especially in nature. I saw Him on that drive and appreciated Him all over again :)
So I am exhausted. I was talking to my big, Polly, the other day and she mentioned 'good thing we get our strength and acceptance from God, huh?'
I've been placing my strength in Dr. Pepper and the goal I have been pursuing for the Lord: doing for others. In a way this is very revealing. I went a week serving non stop with full energy, and now it's wearing me down.. I had a week of complete joy in doing for the Lord. Now it's just getting harder.. But looking back on how He has healed my heart and scars, what is more worth it than that??
I apologize for the rants and lack of energy... A good nights sleep should help that :) Thanks anyone?
God thank you for giving me strength I don't have. Thank you for revealing to me passion, love, and care. I am working as hard as I can to fulfill my challenge that You have given me. Please continue to challenge me and bring me closer to You!!
I also need strength to keep my feelings out of this challenge of service You've given me. I don't feel the desire to be thanked, but I have definitely been struggling with the transference of love languages. Mine is gifts and service in giving love. Receiving is quality time and physical touch. Please help me keep these separated and keep my eyes on You and not the acceptance of others!!
Happy Thursday, everyone!! You know what that means... one more day until Friday :)
La paz y salud a todos :)
Molly
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