Wednesday

Well, today was great. This was my schedule: We woke up, had breakfast, did our quiet time class, then had an hour and a half class on Islam, then had lunch, thennn we all took long naps until about 5 when we woke up to go to a local school track and playground. Well, some of us. The rest of the group stayed at the house to watch lord of the rings. So we had an extremely chill day that was so needed- a day of rest!!

I read through some of my old posts, and I feel as if I have been merely stating what we have done each day and not much about what i'm learning. There is value in both, but I need to balance it out better. Since today is a chill day I am going to post what I have been processing and learning as well as events.

I came to Africa expecting it to be similar to my last trip, which was more of a touristy-mission time. I have been challenged here, with being bold, being vulnerable, and also being weak at the same time. I have had struggles with people here that I can only understand to be satan putting a filter on their eyes, because it all involves misinterpretation of what I say. I have shared my testimony and had to really practice not glorifying my sin. I have learned the basics of Christianity that I didn't know before. I know an outline, but not the in depth stuff that is the gospel. I have learned about conviction, and how it happens to everyone but is different for everyone. I have struggled knowing what conviction is acceptable, because if you don't feel convicted of murdering, is that justified? If you aren't glorifying God with whatever you are doing, but don't feel the need to change, is that ok? Then the question is raised as to what is glorifying, or who decides what is glorifying. The problem with that is that two choices may be glorifying, but our job as Christians is to do the thing that MOST glorifies God. Back to the question above, who decides what is glorifying? Well, God of course. But the bible outlines it perfectly. There are certain struggles that I can't seem to understand. Here are some of the things I struggle understanding in other people and therefore struggle with judgment, when I've seen these struggles in my own life while I've been here: (note: this is my own conviction!!I'm not being manipulative and posting about people I know, this is stuff i'm learning. Just a friendly reminder!)

• Teasing. I love teasing people but when it is constant cutting down teasing, I don't see how that is uplifting at all or glorifying in any way. I think there is a difference between teasing and making fun of someone, or even pointing out things that upset someone else and slathering it with loads of humor. Now my roommate, Reagan Sinclair, is a wonderful woman of God and is the epitome of a teaser. But she never mocks, makes fun of, or even points out things that upset someone. She is silly, and may sarcastically say 'go away' or something like that but always clarifies the humor. Maybe that's what I need to change, tease, but clarify love. We are called to LOVE!!! I guess I try to keep it simple and do that alone without wrapping hurt in love, but that may not be the same feelings of the person I'm in contact with.
• Exclusion. I can not STAND exclusion. It is something that just shakes me to my core with anger. This falls under the command to love, but I was excluded from so many things in my childhood and am very scarred from that (thanks a lot Highland Park) but am the person I am because God worked in that. Despite His work, I wouldn't wish it upon everyone. So I make every effort to not only include everyone, but be REAL with them. I fail at this a lot, i'm not perfect, but man do I make an effort. The problem with this is that satan puts goggles on people i'm around so that they think i'm not being genuine, or i'm trying to be better than them, etc. The reality is I'm going out of my comfort zone to understand a person who I am a stranger to. This desire with people is NOT of me, it is strictly from the Lord. I pray that God sends angels to defend the perception of what I do when I do this, because the only issues I've had with people in my life is misconception of this joy of mine.
• Ignorance. Tonight at dinner we discussed things about Catholicism, and what it means to be Catholic and the beliefs behind the things that other denominations criticize. It really bothers me that people criticize so frequently and don't know anything about what that 'idea' is all about. This isn't strictly to Catholicism, I mean in life. So a bunch of the girls had experiences with Catholics that didn't know what the Catholic Church was about, and that was very sad to me. I don't know much, to be honest, but I respect Catholicism as much as the next denomination. It got me to thinking about how someone might view myself, as a 'non-denominational' christian. I would hope they wouldn't base Christianity off my life choices and actions- because I am imperfect and am going to sin and fail for the rest of my life. And yet, I take one persons life and apply it to their denomination? Why is it ok for me to do it but not them to me? This was all a quick revelation, and I decided I want to learn more about denominations and why they group together, etc. Because I have decided my feelings about groups based off one person in the past, and that is so ignorant to the 'group' ideals and beliefs, as well as incredibly disrespectful.
• Missed opportunities. I hate walking away from a situation knowing I was supposed to do something or ask someone about something and I didn't. God sets divine appointments, and I feel I think too much or over analyze and then regret. I know that i'm a part of God's plan, and there's nothing I can do to mess His plan up, but man do I feel Him encouraging me to be more like Him next time. I hear Him tell me to not rush, slow down, ask questions, listen more, and encourage encourage encourage.

This coming week I want to not pray AGAINST these things, but pray for the opposite. So I will pray for encouragement, inclusion, topic knowledge, and answered opportunities. If you all want, pray for that with me! Let's see God work in this :)

We spent some time by an outdoor fire tonight and Tom told a scary story. When it came to a close, I offered to tell a real story about spiritual warfare... and the idea was immediately shot down. I shut myself down because I wondered if I had offended anyone, and then I asked if ghosts were of the Lord... I decided they're not, so I said to the group that if ghosts aren't of the Lord, it's demonic. I can't imagine Jesus finding humor in fear and spirits for those He loves. So in reality, even ghost stories are spiritual warfare in a sense. I am unsure about what my full thoughts are on this, but would invite anyone else to comment on what they define 'ghosts' and 'ghost stories' as. Do they invite demonic influences in? Are they already demonic from the start? Are they classified as spiritual warfare? Is it glorifying to talk about things that have potential to make you look away from God because of the distraction of fear?

Anyone and everyone can comment :)

We are in bed now, some girls watching lord of the rings and others asleep, journaling, etc. I am thinking about sleep since I will be getting up to run in the early AM. We go back to Kenyatta university tomorrow to do follow up! Prayers for movement in the lives of new Christians we have encountered.

Kwaheri,
Molly